Thursday, 20 March 2014

Resolving A Tiff

I think that Peter and I are a pretty good couple, but we're not perfect and still have the occasional tiff (when I was in the depths of bipolar disorder, we were fighting at least once a week, over things neither of us cared about because everything felt real).


Here are my tips for when a slight problem occurs.


1) Whether it is you or your partner who is upset, think from from their perspecive. Why are they angry / upset? Is it a sudden reaction, or does it hint at something more deeply rooted? Try to address it as honest and respectfully as possible.


2) Don't be dismissive. Regardless of the reason behind their response, don't accuse of them of over-reacting, as this will only fuel the fire, whether or not it is true. If it is true, it is better to let your partner discover this themself and apologise for it.


3) Apologise for what is your fault. Even if you are not sorry for what you've said or done, if your partner is upset or angry at you, obviously there is something you could have changed for a better outcome. Maybe it is how you approached the subject.


4) Don't apply your own way of dealing with something to somebody else. It isn't helpful to say, "This wouldn't bother me" to your partner, because your partner isn't you. Take their concern seriously.


5) It is okay to go to bed "angry", but it is best to try and resolve things. If you are the type of person who can't sleep when something is slightly wrong, make this fact clear to your partner and say you would like to make-up, even partly.


Hopefully these things are helpful to others too. Sometimes they aren't easy to follow in the moment, but it only takes a few weeks to form a habit, and practice makes perfect.


Couple

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