The simply named cog fog is far more debilitating than I
thought. Antidepressants are doing me far more good than harm, as what good is
a brain without life? But I wonder, more than I ever have, what would life be
like without complex thought and reason? A life without mathematics, and
science, and literature? This is almost my life at the moment, and I am more unsatisfied
than ever before.
I'm lucky that I don't have it as bad as some, but it has
certainly gotten worse since upping my medication. I have forgotten so much,
like the way I walked to school for six years, or where my primary school is in
comparison to my house. A lot of the things in the world just don't
"connect" when I think of them. Little things that I didn't think I'd
miss, I do.
I strain to study one thing, and have forgotten it by the
next day. I am terrified of being rendered useless by the inability to
concentrate, where once I would receive so many moments of coruscation in my
day to day life.
I am frustrated and stressed by the hours that I've put into
study and activities today are going to be gone by tomorrow.