Introversion

(Picture unrelated, but owls, and therefore owl-shirts, are really swell.)

As a child, I was more than a wee bit envious of those in larger families. Not necessarily lots of brothers and sisters, but perhaps similarly aged cousins, and parents close and connected to their own siblings. For me, it would translate to a greater emphasis on holidays and togetherness, and less on being alone.
However, my problems to do with exclusion and isolation, I now realise, were never the fault of a small, seemingly disconnected family. They were to do with me.I have felt different since the day I was born, and every experience I have seems to reiterate this. I had trouble connecting with other people, and though I could form short, superficial relationships with others, they were, for the most part, so unfulfilling to the point of feeling worse off than when I started.

I accepted this in my adolescent years, but kept thinking that I would grow out of it as I grew older, that becoming normal would somehow come along with the transition to being an adult. And this, in a sense, really did happen.

When I did become an adult (somewhere along the lines from my 17th birthday to yesterday), the maturity "suddenly" acquired made me realise that this is who I am, and it probably isn't going to change. I might be able to change it if I want, but I don't really want to. "Normal" is completely subjective, and therefore arbitrary. I like myself. And there are lots of other introverts out there in the world, and some of them might like me too. I would rather be alone and lonely, than with the wrong kind of friend who makes me feel alone, despite their company.

And I was extremely fortunate to find someone who completes me, in a sense, without hindering upon who I am. Someone who is both independent and loves snuggling up together, who likes the quiet outdoors and our sheltered home, who both loves to read and learn, but not to the extent of forsaking health and fitness.
I found someone who not only accepts me, but who loves me (not to mention someone I accept and love in complete return). Someone who echoes, quite frequently, "I love how much you read", "I love how hard you're working", "I love how excited you are about this", "I love you for trying". These are things that are so important to hear, not just once, but again and again.

While it is true that self-love, appreciation, and esteem are most important, it is also significant that the qualities that make us "us" are appreciated and echoed by external origins too. This may not always be possible, as at many times throughout life, sometimes more often than not, we will have find ourselves completely alone. And during these times, it is also entirely probable that we will start to doubt ourselves, not only in who we are, but who we want to be and what we want.

Stay steadfast to the positive things that make you "you", but take every opportunity to outgrow out-dated fears and idle habits. Better yourself with every chance you get. While you are right for right now, tomorrow could throw a new challenge your way. Do your best to face it head-on, as the best person you can be for the moment.

Introvert or not, not a single person in this world is perfect. We have our own skillsets, and while we should be true to our self, there is no reason not to better ourselves. While you might be fortunate enough to find a job that allows you to be 100% yourself (introvert or extrovert), quite often this won't be the case.

For the next few weeks, as I continue to volunteer, I will have to leave my shell a few times. It is going to be uncomfortable, and chances are, it is going to awkward at times too. I am determined to learn from every experience, and better myself accordingly. I'll always be an introvert, but I'll always be growing, too.